The hidden truth behind mistakes
Since the only place where we can truly live our lives is in this moment, perhaps mistakes are actually a gift. Maybe they even arrive to wake us up. They startle us enough to bring us into the now.
The Dalai Lama says, “A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals the secret of some hidden treasure.” The Dalai Lama knows our mistakes are precious too—they teach us about what we really want and who we actually desire to be.
Just like a broken heart can be seen as bad if we don’t look deeper, our mistakes are here to crack us open too. Not in the sense of punishment so that we feel endless shame, but as a blessing to get us in touch with what is tender and honest about us.
Being human means that we are not perfect. “No mistakes” means that it is okay for us to be this way.
Can you really handle your own disappointment?
I know about the other parents and the onlookers; some are ready to stand in judgment. I also know about the disappointment it can bring for your child and you when your child fails and how that can be tough to navigate emotionally. This is often something we need to look inward on, our own expectations of our children and ourselves.
What if your child stood to learn, grow and develop a wisdom that you could never give them due to their mistakes and failure?
What if mistakes do not even exist and we accept that there is nothing but the present? And could it be that ‘mistakes’ might be a blessing because they show us who and what we need to see about us?
What I really think
I literally could write and write so much about this. I make no bones; I’m a believer in mistakes that often tell us a lot about ourselves, our expectations, and what our environment has told us we need to be.
That doesn’t mean I do not feel having made mistakes myself or the feeling that my children make them. I do. But I’m very aware of it, and at times made me act out in a certain way. It has taken a lot of ‘fails’ for me to get to a point where now, I’m just more accepting of myself and my experiences.
I still have some conscious and unconscious expectations for my kids; I know I do. But, I show them that I want the best for them; I show them how to make choices – good or bad. I try to show them how to deal with their feelings and share them is what it means to be brave. I’m no expert at all. In fact, my journey is quite complex, and I guess that’s why I’m able to do that. Because I feel like I’ve learned a lot, and I still am.
Give your kids the gift of failure and give yourself permission and compassion to do so.