I’m a Mother. And There Are Things I Would Never Say to Another Mother.

I’m a mother. I’ve been one for a long time now.

And there are things I would never say to another mother.

Not because I don’t have opinions. God knows I have opinions.

But because after all these years, both as a mum and photographing mothers and families, I think I understand more than ever that there are some things you just don’t know about someone else’s experience.

I would never tell you how to feed your baby.

Breast. Bottle. Both.

I have my own views. My own experiences. Things I might do differently if I had my time again.

But they are mine. Not yours.

I don’t know what happened in the middle of the night when you were exhausted. I don’t know what your body could or couldn’t do. I don’t know what your baby needed, or what you needed.

And actually, I don’t need to know (well, if we are doing a newborn session together, then it helps with understanding certain things, but I don’t necessarily have to know!).

I would never tell you to enjoy every moment.

I really dislike this one.

Because some moments aren’t enjoyable.

Some days of motherhood are beautiful and funny and so full of love you almost can’t believe this is your life.

And some are just about getting to bedtime.

There are moments you will miss so much it hurts. There are probably others you’ll be quite happy never to experience again.

Both can be true.

Getting through it counts too.

I would never make you feel ashamed for needing a break.

Needing space from your children doesn’t mean you love them any less.

I think we put an enormous amount of pressure on mothers to somehow disappear into motherhood and be completely fulfilled by that disappearance.

I don’t think that’s healthy.

You can adore your children and want an afternoon where nobody needs anything from you.

You can miss them desperately and then want ten minutes alone approximately four minutes after they come home.

Needing space isn’t a confession.

It’s just the truth.

I would never pretend motherhood is only one thing.

This is probably the biggest one for me.

Motherhood has been the most beautiful and the most undoing experience of my life.

Sometimes in the same afternoon.

It has stretched me. Changed me. Made me question myself in ways I never expected.

There are things about being a mother that I think we still don’t talk about enough because we’re frightened that saying the difficult bit somehow takes something away from the love.

It doesn’t.

I think sometimes it proves just how enormous that love actually is.

And I would never pretend childbirth didn’t change my body.

Permanently.

Nobody really told me that either.

We talk a lot about “getting your body back”, which is quite a strange thing to say when you think about it.

Where did it go?

My body didn’t disappear. It changed.

And some of those changes don’t disappear six weeks later. Or six months later. Or necessarily ever.

I think women deserve a little more honesty about that.

Not horror stories. Not fear.

Just honesty.

Maybe this is why I photograph motherhood the way I do.

I’ve been a motherhood, newborn and family photographer in London for many years, and I meet women at so many different points in this story.

Pregnant with their first baby. Three weeks into motherhood and running on fumes. Years into it with children who barely fit on their laps anymore.

And I’ve realised that I don’t particularly want to photograph an idea of motherhood.

I want to photograph yours.

The love, obviously.

But also the tired eyes. The baby who needs feeding halfway through. The child who won’t do what we planned. Your body exactly as it is. The tiny gestures between you that you probably don’t even realise you’re making.

I think that’s why I’m drawn to photographs that feel honest rather than perfect.

Because motherhood isn’t one thing.

And I don’t think photographs of it should pretend that it is.

So, I’m curious.

What would you never say to another mother?

Or maybe more importantly: what do you wish someone had never said to you?

Samantha Black is a London motherhood, newborn and family photographer, photographing families naturally at home and on location across North London and London. Her work focuses on honest connection, feeling and the small moments that make each family’s story their own.